As spiritual beings having a human experience we have many types of relationships. Our family of origins, parents, grandparents, and others, whoever were our prime caregivers growing up, modeled for us how to be in relationship.
Through adolescent, young adulthood and now even in my elderhood i catch myself at times still dancing to the tune of my family’s beliefs and customs. The voices, singing the shoulds creative havoc with my desire to become aware and conscious. I consider myself to be generous and have worked hard to have clear boundaries but sometimes these intentions collapse and my life echoes that of those who reared me.
Most people have heard the term "co-dependency" thrown around in unflattering ways. When I first heard the word "Codependent" I didn’t think it had anything to do with me personally. I was a giver, plan and simple. It wasn’t until I began my studies in addiction that I recognized that underlying my ‘giving’ was a deep seated behavior that was contributing to my unhappiness, and that was codependency.
What is co-dependency, and why is it harmful? Why should we care about this strange sounding phenomenon?
My experience of Co-dependency is that it is an umbrella term that represents an entire range of feelings and beliefs that determine behavior. Shame, suffering, and self-abuse, is the three- step dance that most of us become efficient in. I define codependency as a compulsive, self-abusive way of living - a prison that we are trapped in as long as we are reacting. In my codependent dance I became the victim, and my own perpetrator rescuing myself with people, places, and things that weren’t safe and didn’t serve me.
The dynamics of codependency are universal and predictable because all human beings share the same emotions and emotional process. Each of us is unique and different in the details of our lives, in the flavor of codependency we adapted - but we all have the same basic internal dynamic
Some of the signs and symptoms are: perfectionism, manipulation, rigidity and need to control, low-self-esteem, overreacting, black and white thinking, being super-responsible or super-irresponsible, denying feelings ( numb to feelings) fear, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, hurt, and shame. Sounds like a fun thing, right? A co-dependent person can actually forget what his or her needs, desires, feelings about things even are.
Fortunately, there is hope. Through my work as a Life Coach I can help you take back your power and live a life of empowerment while still growing as a giver and a receiver of the abundance that is here for you to experience. The important thing is that you start, because denial is not that river in Egypt.
Karen Schweitzer Life Coach
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